Real Life Stories

‘As an active primary school teacher with two young kids, I’m on-the-go morning ‘til night! I’d had my kids just over a year apart and everything was going well, though I was a bit shocked to realise, after the second birth, that I was leaking urine and I was scared it might happen during sex.

During the summer, I took some of my pupils to a camp for able-bodied and disabled students. One of my co-workers was Amy, a 23-year-old who is energetic, beautiful, friendly… and paraplegic. One day we were chatting when she mentioned her fiancé would be coming down to stay for a romantic weekend.

She confided that she was looking forward to making love, which surprised me, as I knew Amy was incontinent. She had no sensation in her legs and was often prone to “accidents”.

The following conversation made me feel rather small. Amy went on to say that she and her fiancé often made love in the shower. “My doctor recommended it to get over the embarrassment” she said. “We were so in love, and we fancied each other so much that we found a way to have sex”. She confessed that talking about the subject was awkward at first, but they are now totally at ease with each other. ‘I couldn’t marry him if I didn’t feel relaxed’, she confided.

After talking to her, I went to my GP who told me my problem was common but it was unlikely that I would experience leakage during sex. He explained that my friend’s issue was more to do with her paralysis than her bladder. He gave me a program of exercises and recommended incontinence protection. I stuck to the exercises religiously and, after 3 months the results were obvious. Now, if I suddenly pick up something heavy, or laugh really hard, the slim-line bladder weakness product is there to catch any spots.

My husband was actually relieved to hear my lack of interest in sex was because of bladder weakness and not me ‘going off’ him. Now our sex life is better than before, thanks to my awareness of my pelvic floor muscles. My husband and I particularly enjoy ‘practising’ the clenching exercises!’

Apart from everything else, my fear of peeing myself made me pull back from having sex. I certainly didn’t feel sexy around my partner any more - just isolated. I was devastated. I’d always thought bladder weakness only happened to old people. Not someone like me – fit, healthy and 35!

I worried that my partner would leave me, so my self-esteem plummeted. I even started avoiding social situations. After all, every time I laughed, I wet myself. And I also felt self-conscious about these huge, bulky sanitary pads I was using everyday.

In the end, I was really down so I decided I had to face up to the problem and confide in my GP – she set me straight on a few facts and explained my options and I was really surprised when she prescribed these small pads specifically designed for urine. Talking to her about bladder weakness was such a relief. Everything she said made so much sense. It really helped me to see that I could enjoy life again.

She also recommended these pelvic floor exercises, which she even hinted might improve my sex life. ‘What sex life?’ I remembered thinking. But I’ve moved on since then and yes, the sex is great! Learning to isolate the inner muscles of the vagina and bladder has actually increased the intensity of my orgasms.

Dealing with menopause was bad enough but when I found I was suddenly wetting myself without warning it was a nightmare…

It was in my twenties, after my first child was born, that I realised I sometimes wet my pants when I sneezed. I made a makeshift pad from toilet paper and tried not to think about it – until it happened again.

I had heard that childbirth could cause “bladder weakness. The muscles get stretched and weak but could be exercised back to full strength. So at the time, I started a routine at the toilet of peeing and stopping repeatedly, and I did internal clenching exercises. For a few months I wore normal sanitary pads, changing about four times a day. It was expensive, but I eventually regained control.

Three decades later, when I was menopausal, my ‘trouble’ came back. This time my homemade solutions didn’t help, even sanitary pads weren’t enough.

I tried cutting out drinks, but I got dehydrated and headaches. Then because I was scared of accidents I stopped visiting friends on the weekends or going to dinners, which left me feeling isolated. Carrying around changes of underwear, wipes, sanitary pads, air freshener, fabric freshener, deodorant and always wearing dark, baggy clothes made me feel as though I was going on a camping trip when in reality I was just going to have lunch with friends.

After 35 years of marriage, I even started sleeping in the spare bed! Finally, I went to my GP.

She explained about how the menopause can bring on bladder weakness but there are specialist pads designed for urine that are leak proof and odour proof. The first time I bought them I was sceptical as the sanitary pads hadn’t worked and these were even smaller. But in reality they really do work and I feel much more confident.

Obviously I’d rather not have bladder weakness in the first place but at least now it’s only the hot flushes I have to worry about and not embarrassing leaks.

Received by TENA via email November 2010

Since having 3 children I have suffered with total bladder incontinence. With the support from the local urogynae incontinence nurse I was able to correct choose the correct pad to 'control' my bladder loss with confidence of not overflowing! That plus obtaining recommended procedures for my body, I have gone from super sized pad to liners. For me, after diagnosis, through urodynamics I now have 6 monthly bladder injections which have me down to pantyliners/nothing 4months and generally no heaviers than a light mid sized pad when due for next injections. My confidence in my body and the ability to manage my bladder incontinence has greatly improved my self esteem.

Anonymous