A Mum's View

I started having accidents after I had my twins. For a while I felt really lost, then an embarrassing situation changed everything…

About six months after my twins were born I noticed how my underwear always felt wet. I didn’t know what was happening and I was too embarrassed to tell anyone. Then it got worse and I avoided going to friends’ houses in case I had an “accident”. Instead I’d always insist they came to our house so I was close to my own bathroom and had changes of clothes on hand. They probably thought I didn’t like their cooking!

But then my family started to notice. I used cotton wool and sanitary pads to absorb the urine, but nothing stopped that smell of urine. I even found myself shying away from my husband and I was always examining my underwear and snapping at my kids.

I felt trapped, but when my best friend, Erika, asked me over, I decided to go. She had also given birth recently so we had plenty to talk about. As we chatted, a sip of tea went down the “wrong way” and made me cough. To my absolute horror, I left this huge stain on Erika’s sofa!

I was so embarrassed I just burst into tears. But Erika was great. She'd experienced the same thing after birth too. She said it was pretty common as your body goes through changes during pregnancy and birth. She told me all about pelvic floor exercises and special pads designed to manage bladder weakness and the associated odours. Anyway, after weeks of living with it, I suddenly felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I’m not cured but I’m keeping up the exercises and, looking at my children now, I realise that the odd leak is a small price to pay.

Bladder weakness struck after my second pregnancy and made me feel as though I had lost control over my body. This really upset me, considering I was fine after the first pregnancy.

‘The impact of losing control of your bladder can never be fully explained in just a few lines, but I really felt it was controlling my life.
I worried about laughing, coughing or picking up anything slightly heavy and started to wear sanitary pads everyday to catch the drips. I decided not to tell the doctor because I thought he might prescribe me some enormous nappy!
It’s the denial that was really childish: “How did the green felt tip pen marks get on the wall?” Despite evidence to the contrary, kids always insist: “It wasn’t me. I didn’t do it!”
Going out put me in a real panic. I would limit my fluid intake until I was dehydrated. I thought: “If I don’t drink, I won’t leak.”
Bladder weakness changed my behaviour towards friends and family, and my feelings toward myself. I felt isolated, helpless and ashamed – just like a naughty child.
Eventually, I had to go the doctor. She was a fantastic help. Naturally, if I had known earlier what I know now, I would have gone much sooner.
These days I use TENA Lady, which have really given me back my confidence and sense of freedom. They’re small and discreet, and they stop any smell. And, the good news is they also work out cheaper than sanitary pads because you don’t go through as many.
And best of all, I feel in control of my body again.

When my daughter was born, no one told me I’d experience bladder weakness. To be honest the thing I was most worried about was whether other people might smell it!

As a new mum, the last year has been exhilarating and exhausting. Before giving birth, I felt really prepared – reading up on healthy eating for pregnancy and going for regular check ups. 

Then, after my beautiful daughter arrived, I just felt tired and overwhelmed, so I decided to join a gym. And that’s when it all came to a head. I’d occasionally leaked when coughing or sneezing, so I wore a panty liner to catch the drops, but the gym was different.

It started on the treadmill – this huge leak! I just ran to the change rooms and then home. No one noticed but I still felt so ashamed. I started wearing sanitary pads everyday, but the problem didn’t go away. The pads would feel damp and uncomfortable if I couldn’t change them straight away and there was that smell of urine.

So I guess I did what loads of people probably do: avoided lifts and supermarket queues, spraying myself all over with heavy perfume. I even made excuses to avoid sex with my husband, telling him every few weeks that the doctor had said it would take… just a few more weeks.

Finally I took control of the situation. At my six-month check up, the mid-wife asked how I was. She could tell I was holding something back and asked me: “if you had a broken leg, would you hop about as though nothing was wrong?”

She said bladder weakness was among the top 20 conditions affecting new mums, and that loads of women have ‘light incontinence’ after birth. She recommended pelvic floor exercises and an ‘odour-controlled incontinence pad’. At first, it sounded like a big, adult diaper to me but I promise you they are not. They are pretty discreet. But really, my paranoia was that I smelt and now I’m confident that I don’t, which is a huge relief. And, at least now I don’t go through half a bottle of perfume each day!

So, to anyone else experiencing it, I’d say there’s really no need to worry yourself: take control, and get back in to the swing of things!’